I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
