we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
