Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
