That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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