Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
