Betty ford says i'm here all night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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