I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
