8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
