Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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