you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
