wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
