i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
