just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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