She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
