If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
