our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
