why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
