God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
