Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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