Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
