I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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