The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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