I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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