Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
