Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
