she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
