You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
