careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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