i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
