I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
