It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She bit a glass in half.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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