Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
