hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
