I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
