how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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