so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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