At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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