That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
