Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
