The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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