i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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