Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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