Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
