I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
