We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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