my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
