so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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