I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
