You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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