If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
