My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
