he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
