New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
