do herpes really smell.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
