Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
