id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When did we convert life to cartoon?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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