We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
