Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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