Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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